


we make it out alive, alright

by merriweather



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort/Angst, Confessional, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 09:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6233074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merriweather/pseuds/merriweather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the ground, with people orbiting in and out of Raven’s station, the only constant has been Abby.  Abby, an anchoring hand on her leg and a lifting touch under her chin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we make it out alive, alright

_“Together”_ is a weird word. It doesn’t feel right to describe what she’s doing with Abby - what she’s _been_ doing with Abby, since it started.

“Are you together?” A projection of Clarke seems to pop up in Raven’s mind when she gets stuck on the subject, and the first answer Raven thinks is _“No,”_ with a scoff. _No,_ Raven is not _with_ Clarke’s mom, _Mrs. Griffin,_ a woman twenty-five years her senior, and her _doctor._

But she’s never been _Mrs. Griffin,_ and _together_ has new meaning in the wilderness.

Abby’s the only person who has been _with_ Raven, ever, even when she’s not. On the ground, with people orbiting in and out of Raven’s station, the only constant has been Abby. Abby, an anchoring hand on her leg and a lifting touch under her chin.

So the lines are blurred clear, and Raven didn’t think twice about stepping over them. Until after, of course, when Abby’s hand came to her wrist and stilled the motion.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.”

But her face is still close, eyes lowered, strands of hair falling in front of Raven’s thumb.

“I don’t care.” Raven’s never been able to gloss over disregard.

Abby doesn’t say anything to that. She only closes her eyes, lifts her head, and puts her lips back to Raven’s.

This time, Raven snakes her arms around Abby’s neck and pulls her closer between her legs. She knows better than to escalate, and instead lets Abby set the pace. It ends up that she doesn’t stray from Raven’s lips, though each kiss feels carefully intended and entire unto itself. Her hands move around Raven’s back and upward, pressing inch by inch along her spine, palms flat and fingers curled.

When someone knocks, Abby doesn’t jump back. She only pulls her face away and opens her eyes, still holding Raven in her arms. There’s an unreadable expression on her face. It’s not regret, but it’s also not encouragement. So Raven just releases the grip of her legs, and tugs at the end of her shirt sleeve to wipe at Abby’s lip.

“Doctor,” Raven acknowledges her with a purposefully stiff formality, which gets Abby to smile.

“I should go,” Abby whispers.

“This is your work area,” Raven chuckles. “I’m going.”

Abby helps her down, and Raven lets her fingertips run the length of Abby’s arm before she pulls her hand away. She doesn’t really know why. Mostly, she doesn’t know how Abby’s going to return to this moment in the future, so she figures she’ll get everything out of it that she can before the exit.

“Sir.” Raven uses the same formal voice as she passes by Jackson in the doorway.

Abby shakes her head as she watches her go, fingers drumming lightly over her smile.

\---

They don’t have sex for awhile. Abby wants to wait, which Raven doesn’t entirely understand at first.

“Is it the age difference?”

“Not exactly.”

“Because I don’t think of you as my friend’s mom.”

Abby covers her face. “Raven, this isn’t helping.”

“No, I’m serious.” Raven shifts onto her side, propping herself up so she can face Abby properly. “You’re Abby. You’re not anybody to me except... _you._ ” She frowns. “It makes more sense in my head.”

Abby looks at her from under her own fingers. “That’s very sweet.”

Raven glows obnoxiously at the praise. “Oh yeah?”

Abby snorts. “ _Yes._ But you need to understand that it’s a little _embarrassing,_ being with you.”

“Hey now. What’s not to like about being with me?”

“It’s not _you_. It’s just... I’m now a middle-aged woman getting all... _hot and bothered_ by a twenty-year old. That’s embarrassing, on some level.”

“That’s not embarrassing, that’s _sexy_.” Raven grins wickedly and ducks her head to Abby’s neck, leaving behind two kisses and a tongue stroke before retreating.

“Well, _sexy_ feels an awful lot like _pathetic_ sometimes,” Abby says after she regains her ability to breathe. She turns to look at Raven directly, and the hitch comes back into her voice. “What’s become of me? What’s become of _you?"_

If it were asked by anyone else, Raven would be out of bed and putting on pants. Number one: Offense. _No one_ is pathetic for wanting to get with her. Number two: _Feelings_. These emotions are too much. Like they might suffocate her. But she _can’t_. Because she understands exactly what Abby is saying.

She flops onto her back and stares at the ceiling. Breathes in the same breath Abby took, and releases it. “I know what you mean.”

“I feel _less than,_ sometimes. Like pieces of me are being taken away, and I’ll never get them back. I don’t recognize myself anymore. And I don’t want you to be the person I cling to to ignore it. You deserve better than that.”

Raven feels the words drill into her body, making ground meat of her organs and cracking through her bones. “Abby, I can’t tell you who you’re supposed to be.”

Abby makes a small noise of acknowledgement.

“I _can_ tell you that you can be whatever you want to be. Shit’s happened to you - to both of us. You had to change. To survive. You are entitled to be whatever you want to be to get you through the day with a shred of peace. And if part of that is embracing the fact that I’m the person whose bones you want to jump at the _end_ of that day, then I say go for it.”

Abby laughs, tilting her head to give Raven a sidelong look. “Is that how you’re handling this?”

Raven shrugs. “Why fight a good thing finally happening?”

That sobers Abby, and she turns to face Raven again, a smile settling at the corners of her mouth.

“But hey, if you’re embarrassed, I can just hobble back to my own bed.” Raven sits up, and swings one leg over the edge of the mattress.

“Oh my god, get _back_ here.” Abby hooks Raven by the elbow and gives a little tug. Raven bounces back to the bed with a _woompf,_ and Abby pulls her close, hand along her jaw, and kisses her soundly.

\---

They don’t sleep alone very much after that, sex or not. Sometimes they hold each other close; other times they lay shoulder to shoulder, or head to shoulder. Through the night, they often drift completely. But when they wake up, Raven’s got an arm flung over Abby’s torso, or Abby’s hand has found its way to the small of Raven’s back.

Raven supposes, technically, they’re _together_. But then again, they always were.


End file.
